Day 3: Magnets

Okay, so the question this time: What kind of person attracts you?

I'm not sure I really have a type. Human, preferably. Also, intellect attracts me. I like men generally that I can learn things from. But not arrogance, or at least not real arrogance. Play arrogance, or joking arrogance, I don't mind. I think I'm pretty tolerant when it comes down to it, though. If you act all high and mighty, you know, I think I can handle it? On the other hand, if you keep at it, things might not work out so well. I have a habit of taking and taking (no, that is not what she said) and then boiling over in some way if I don't get a relief soon enough. So you can push my buttons. But long term button-pushing and long term relationship do not go together (so I tell myself)...

Now, while I like 'em smart, I don't want to be lost in an everyday conversation. I like things to be explained. And I like explaining things. So a guy who can explain some things while I explain the other things, would get along well. That said, can I get a guy with some of the same interests as me? Or that I can introduce to the same interests?

Humor. Just... humor.

I'd like someone who I can look at for more than ten seconds without my eyes watering, not gonna lie.

Thoughtfulness. Not just to me, but, you know... I don't want an ass. Well. I don't want a fulltime ass. Sometimes it just comes with the job description. I guess, a conscience would be a better word for what I want.

Common sense. Please. He can be smart and intellectual, but God, give me someone you know won't accidently insult that big goon in the corner.

Personally, I don't think I've ever really known love. Real, reciprocated, heart-swelling love. I've had boyfriends that I've liked a lot, but never one that I could say I've fallen in love with. I just haven't. So, yeah, these are attributes that some of my ex-boyfriends have had (good and bad), but the one I fall for? The one that's going to trip me up and watch me hit the ground, hard? The one that I'll dream about?

That'll be a whole other ballpark, babe.

Day 2: A Change Is Gonna Come

Let's see... two years ago I was Doti's age, entering my sophomore year at the Main Campus. I was entering the "big kid" school where everything was supposed to be harder, scarier, all the kids much, much bigger, and where I was supposed to know how to handle it all. Like a big kid.

Let me tell you, I was not a big kid at the time. The year before, my freshman, I had discovered a word. An ugly, grey, overpowering word that dogged my heels, looming over me through everyday and everything I did. I would escape it at home, only to have it seep into my classes at school. I have a memory of sitting in my biology class, looking to my full-time friend and boyfriend at the time, and wondering how on earth he could put up with me as he worked on our assignment. I did rarely did any work and passed the days hoping that I wouldn't embarrass myself if (heaven forbid) a teacher called on me. The word, that ugly, overpowering word, that I had discovered while watching a generic commercial with a sallow-looking woman all in grey who took a pill and started wearing colors again, was depression.

I didn't even know I could have that. The thought was so foreign. Stuff like didn't happen to me. I was me, I was happy, sunny, optimistic. Not depressed. That word made me into a self-serving, uncaring, little kid. It wasn't that I liked it, but once those thoughts enter your head, well, you keep having them.

The december of that school year my mother's father passed away to colon cancer. It surprised us all, really. We had all been pretty focussed on my grandmother, his wife, who had contracted breast cancer the previous year. When he suddenly took ill, it sort of shook everyone's foundations. He was so strong and so firmly there, he almost was everyone's foundation. You could say everything started to collapse after that. Three months later, Grandma passed away, taking a loud, brass, Brooklyn voice, but leaving relief. Her fight was over. Maybe now life could go on.

And so enter that summer. Months and days before, I had decided that I needed to be happier. I needed to be better at doing things. I needed not to procrastinate. I needed to not miss so much school. I needed to do a whole bunch of things. Two years ago I was a nervous, but hopeful girl, trying to fight the remnants of depression.

I'll tell you something. Under that description, I can't say I've changed. Still nervous, but I'm better at hiding it now. Still have hope, but when it goes away, I know which rope to pull to get it back, even if I have a hard time finding it in the dark. And, yeah, still fighting some remnants of depression. I think that once it's introduced to you, it likes to stick around, hiding on that rope and creeping down when it feels you begin to tug.

But now I see that and now I know that. And now I can be better if I try.

I hope this wasn't overly, well, I guess depressing is one word for it. I'll attempt happier things next time, yeah?

Best wishes,

Dizzy

Day 3: Desirability A.K.A Pancakes

Attraction masquerades in many different forms, from subtle seduction to animal magnetism to charismatic charm. You may be instinctively drawn to people with freckled noses, shaggy bangs, or deep, piercing blue eyes, but we must never forget that attraction is much more than just the concrete physical attributes that a person beholds. Allure encompasses not only looks, but personality, human nature, and stage presence. I don't have a certain "type" of guy that I exclusively limit myself to, like most of the girls I know (not Dizzy), but I am very, very, probably overly particular in the genre of men I date. Yes, there is a difference.

My List of 10 Qualities, Not Requirements, I Wish My Guy Would Possess

1. Make and flip extraordinarily delicious pancakes, preferably in the shape of Mickey Mouse, Minnie Mouse, or any other fictional Disney character. Waffles do not count.

2. Brings tears to my eyes and laughter to my heart.

3. Is not perfect, in any way, shape, or form. I want to have speed bumps and challenges and problems, so we are reminded that we are still human.

4. Buys me cards with beautiful artwork on them and hand writes special messages or poems on the inside, no matter if he believes he has horrible handwriting or not. These gifts would be bestowed for no special occasion: just because.

5. Knows that I love children's books better than regular, adult books, because just like Alice in Wonderland, I do not see the point of books without pictures. He would buy me books such as that, and the spend an entire rainy afternoon curled up in his bed with me, reading them out loud.

6. Stops me mid-sentence for a kiss. Something about that just says to me, "I want you so badly and I just can't wait for the words to leave your lips before they meet mine."

7. Writes me love notes and hides them in my locker. Whenever I open it, those little pieces of paper fall to the ground and I know he is thinking of me.

8. Laughs at all of my jokes, even the ridiculous, absurd, not even remotely funny ones, because he knows I love the sound of his laughter.

9. Understands my past, lives in the present, and knows our future. He would love me for all that I was before I met him, all that I am as of today, and all that I am destined to be.

10. Tells me I'm beautiful, inside and out, in any light, with or without makeup, dressed up or wearing absolutely nothing. He believes it. And he will not stop telling me until I believe it.

Day 2: Rumours

The past two years have been one of the hardest times of my life. I have fallen deeply, head-over-heels in love with handsome, respectful guys, and in addition to having my heart broken a great deal, I have also collected my share of loves. These past years have not only been filled with broken promises, regrets, mistakes, lies, and misshapen dreams, but also with happiness, laughter, and a sort of sanctuary.
To tell you the complete and honest truth, which I feel is essential to ensuring the believability of this blog, as well as preserving its truthful essence, my beliefs and viewpoints have not changed a great deal. I still care what people think of me. I still have low self-esteem and virtually think nothing of myself. I still wish that somewhere, a perfect boy is waiting for me. I still think the same people are bitches, jocks, punks, asian computer geeks, and posers. In all honesty, my mindset remains the same as it did when I entered 8th grade.
I blame the rumours. Ignorant, incoherent falsities created by pathetic, moronic teenage adolescents with lives so mundane and flavorless that they have nothing better to do with their time than carefully, cautiously invent and assemble fresh lies about a fellow classmate who never took any course of action deemed bitter or maniacal. Come to think of it, the falsehood that states, "She had sex with two guys in some guy's jacuzzi one night at a party. She was so drunk!," doesn't really seem to scream "tastefully done". Instead, it says "pathetic, horrendous, and stupid". These lies weren't even that great, so why was I paying so much goddamn attention to them?!? Because all I wanted, all I have ever wanted, and all that most people strive for in life is acceptance.
Two years ago, I used to let the opinions of people who meant absolutely nothing to me get in the way of expressing my individuality and being true to myself. Now, I could just tell them all to go to hell. Who cares if they think I'm boring or unintelligent or lame? I certainly do not, because I AM smart, comical, and easy-going. Two years into the future, I find myself happier than I have ever felt before. I have a great group of caring, loving friends who cherish me and love me for who I truly am. I have the world's greatest best friend, Derick, who helps me through everything. So go ahead, say whatever you want about me, call me obese or slutty or fake or a loser, it will never get to me. Why should it, why should I let it, when the "who I am" is a pretty great person to be.
Love, Doti (that argumentative, irritating, and surprising original girl who talks way too much and loves strawberries. Yes, she is random too. Deal with it!)

Day 1: Alone

Right. Shouldn't be writing so late at night, but since I'm leaving for Washington soon... I didn't want Doti to be too ahead of me. Eheh. Just a warning as to how rambly this might turn out. So, first question. I was actually surprised as to how many of the things I do, Doti does as well. But I won't say which they are. Don't want to sound like an old record skipping.

I've decided (yes, me, so listen up) that you are most alone when you're in the bathroom. Not just when your doing your business, but when you're getting ready for work or school, or making a mad dash to the nearest toilet to fix your cosmetics. Stuff like that. Because once you're in there, it's sanctuary. Just you. No one's allowed in. Sounds kind of silly, I know. But I have a feeling you'll know what I'm talking about. Anyways.

When I'm alone (in the bathroom, yes) I inevitably end up in front of the mirror. I'm a girl. A teenaged one. Blah is all I've got to say about that. So, bathroom, yes, ramble, mirror, there I am. In front of it. And what do I do after (or while) I've primped and plucked?

I talk to myself, that's what.

And, yeah, it's sometimes as funny as it sounds. I'll go over conversations I had that day, the faces I made (ooh, the faces), how stupid I was, how clever, what the hell was in my teeth, why didn't anyone tell me... All that stuff. Then I look in the mirror and I think, "Crazy," and I look away. Only to look back again a couple minutes later with new things to primp and new things to talk about.

So those are some of the things I do when alone.

One: Make funny faces. Like :O and >:/ and 8D. Yes. Just like that.

Two: Talk to myself. "You know, in a certain light I'm almost pretty, but then I flip the lamp switch on..." or, "He talked to me today," and then, "I talked back!" which always leads to, "... God, I'm such an idiot..." Yeah. Normal stuff.

'Three' is something that both me and Doti have in common. Now I kind of wonder how many other people do it, too. Narrate our actions. Or thoughts. Or... well, whatever else there is to narrate. For example, uhhh... "-she whispered aloud as she typed, wondering if her readers thought she was being clever, or stupid."

So, those are the things. That is, some of the things. Well, a small glimpse of some things. Okay. Sleep now before I get too overly rambly.

I'll be back in a week!

Dizzy (signs her name because Doti did it and she didn't want to be left out)

Privacy Invasion

The first challenge, weird things you do when you're alone. Well, being perfectly honest, I perform odd and outrageous actions no matter the occupancy of the room I happen to be dazzling with my presence, but I guess there are a few things I save exclusively for the privacy of my bedroom.
1.) I narrate my every move (literally... "I sat down on my bed and gazed upon the heaping mass of fabricated chaos that lay before me, also known as Mt. ShitCrapJunk")
2.) Sing commercial advertising jingles (they are just so damn catchy... "The snack that smiles back, GOLDFISH!")
3.) Occasionally give into the temptation of "scratching" my nostrils (be mature, we all do it.)
4.) Walk around with my head down until I see something red. Then I look up and write down whatever I see.
5.) Compose songs on my guitar
6.) Come up with different nicknames for myself and secretly wish that people would start referring to me as such
7.) Color coordinate my hanging closet (yes, I know it is incredibly anal-retentive and nerd-freaky, but I have accepted that about myself and you as readers should accept it too.)
8.) Make To-Do Lists at least 4 days in advance ( OCD strikes again!)
9.) Practice making my handwriting messier, because I honestly hate the way I write!
10.) Create names for various candies shaped like animals (Gummi Bears: Timothy, Ryan, Bryan, Sam, Stew, and Giovanni)

Alright Dizzy, let's see if you can top that!
Yours Truly (better than Isabelle :)), Doti

30 Day Challenge (for two)

I challenge my sidekick/hero, Doti!

30 Day Challenge

1. Weird things that you do when you’re alone.
2. How have you changed in the past two years?
3. What kind of person attracts you?
4. What do you wear to bed?
5. Five things that irritate you about the opposite sex.
6. The person you like and why you like them.
7. Your opinion on cheating in relationships.
8. Something you’re currently worrying about.
9. Your last kiss.
10. Your views on drugs and alcohol.
11. Your current relationship.
12. Things you want to say to an ex.
13. A date you would love to go on.
14. Something disgusting you do.
15. The best thing to happen to you this week.
16. Three aspects of your personality that you’re proud of.
17. Things that make you scared.
18. Disrespecting parents. Everything.
19. Something that never fails to make you feel better.
20. The last argument you had.
21. Something you can’t seem to get over.
22. Ten things about you people don’t really expect.
23. Something you always think “what if…” about.
24. Things you want to say to five different people.
25. Ten ways to win your heart.
26. Your religious beliefs.
27. Talk about your siblings.
28. The month you were happiest this year and why.
29. A picture of yourself.
30. What changed this month? What do you hope will happen next month?

I want to get through all of these in order- though, perhaps not all on time. Understandably, Doti may not get to these for a while, yet, but hopefully between the two of us... something will happen. Preferably something good. Anyways, we both have thirty questions and, ahem, thirty days to answer them. Things to know: they might not be updated on each day; one day might have more than one post; one or both of us might go over the day limit. What can I say. Absences occur.

Speaking of which, I know things are crazy not updatingness. I can't say this will improve much because a) I have another blog and b) Doti has a life. So as far as I can see, you'll just have to be on the lookout.

Sorry bout that.

*dodges various flying vegetables* Oi, that was a sneaker!